Prepare the conversation before you prepare the argument.

Clarify what happened, what you want to understand, and what you are actually asking for.

Scope: This structures one conversation. It does not predict the response or provide persuasion sequences.

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What is the conversation about? Desire / frequency Initiation Distance Boundaries Something that happened Preference / fantasy Resentment Relationship expectations Repair after conflict Something else

What did you observe?What do you want to understand?

What are you asking for? Information A change A boundary A preference Repair A decision Nothing yet — I want to listen

Complete each section before continuing.

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YOUR CONVERSATION STRUCTURE

A structure for the conversation

1. Observation

2. Experience

I want to explain how I have been experiencing this without claiming to know your intent.

3. Question

4. Listen

Do not prepare the rebuttal while the other person is answering.

5. Request

6. Space

They may disagree, need time, set a boundary, or not know yet.

Safety comes first

For violence, threats, coercion, stalking, or immediate danger, prioritize immediate safety and appropriate local emergency or specialist support.

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DEZAIR INSTITUTE builds educational relationship-intelligence resources for consenting adults aged 18 and over. Nothing we publish is a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or relationship therapy, and none of it diagnoses any condition. Every capacity we teach exists to serve a genuine, ongoing, enthusiastic yes — never to work around one.

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